Spelling Mistakes
By Tom Grimshaw
Deep within the bowels of the great and grand wizard’s guild of Khazan it is said that you can find some of the most potent magic known to man. This however is not a collection of such items. There is a far greater secret that lurks in the cobwebbed shadows of the musty basement, the reject bin. Spells that were never meant to be,
born of a mix of boredom, insanity and naïve humour. As useless as they all may seem, they serve an (often limited) purpose and best of all, they are cheap! So sift through the bargain bin of magic and see if anything takes your fancy.
Level 1 Spells (DEX 10, INT 10, 125gp each)
Name: Call Names.
Cost: 1
Range: Within earshot.
Duration: Instant.
Power Up: Yes, doubles the cost and effect.
Description: The casters next words spoken are insults in the native tongue of the target. The target must make a L1SR or attack the
caster; monsters instantly attack because they don’t take well to being insulted. Doubling the cost increases the severity of the insult and doubles the level of the SR.
Name: Detect Keys.
Cost: 1
Range: 10 feet per caster level.
Duration: Until keys are found.
Power Up: No
Description: This spell causes the keys that the caster are looking for to emit a low beep every few seconds until they are found. This spell only works if the caster knows that he is looking for keys.
Name: Dummies Guide to Dumb Spells
Cost: See text.
Range: Touch.
Duration: Instant.
Power Up: No.
Description: This spell conjures up a book that contains all the first level spells in this list. You may make a L2SR on INT to learn any of the spells at no cost. The casting cost of this spell is the cost of the spell that you are attempting to learn. Upon learning or failing to learn a spell the book disappears in a flash of light and a magical poof of smoke.
Name: Flock Flock
Cost: 6
Range: 10 feet.
Duration: 1 turn.
Power Up: Yes, double cost and double duration.
Description: Calls upon all the local bird life to rain poop upon a target of the casters choosing. This spell can only be cast whilst outside in an area that has bird life.
Name: Hocus Croak-us.
Cost: 5
Range: Self
Duration: Instant.
Power Up: No.
Description: Turns the caster into a frog for as long as they desire. As a frog the caster has a MR of 1 and all the abilities you expect of a frog. Each turn the caster must make a L1SR on CHR or lose the will to reverse the spell and remain as a frog until kissed by a prince / princess.
Name: Oh, Sod off!
Cost: 5
Range: 50 feet.
Duration: 1 turn.
Power Up: No.
Description: Throws muddy sods of turf at the target in an attempt to make them go away. Total your CHR and LK; if they are greater than your opponents CHR and INT then they will not attack you for the difference in turns whilst they clean themselves off unless attacked by you.
If they are not greater than your opponents combined total then they attack you for the difference in turns at the exclusion of all other targets for getting their clothes all muddy. If you agree to pay their dry cleaning bill in this time (equal to 10gp) they will agree to beat up your comrades also instead of just you. How nice.
Name: Ooh! Shiny!
Cost: 1
Range: Touch.
Duration: Permanent.
Power Up: No.
Description: Cleans up metal objects instantly but, doesn’t remove rust.
Name: Shadow Puppets.
Cost: 4.
Range: Touch.
Duration: Until the caster needs to use there hands.
Power Up: No.
Description: This spell projects a small spotlight against a wall for as long as the caster makes shadow puppets of bunnies, birdies or, doggies. If the caster stops making puppets at any point the spell effects end.
Name: Stop! Hammer Time.
Cost: 8
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: No.
Description: Causes the target to perform crazy hip-hop moves uncontrollably, ignoring everything else around them unless attacked. This spell only takes effect if the target is touched lightly with a hammer on casting.
Level 2 Spells (DEX 12, INT 12, 250gp each)
Name: Defective Duplicate.
Cost: 10
Range: 10 feet.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: No.
Description: Conjures up an illusionary double of the caster that looks nothing like them (too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, wrong race, wrong gender etc). The GM determines just how defective the illusion is.
Name: Fantasy Noir.
Cost: 8
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, doubles the cost and doubles the
duration.
Description: Causes the target to speak in a style reminiscent of films in the noir genre. The target also sees the world in black and white, believing everyone male to be wearing trench coats and fedoras and everyone female to be a vamp. No, not undead.
Name: Feline Feeling.
Cost: 3
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, double cost and double duration.
Description: The caster takes on the properties of a cat (sees well in low light conditions, always lands on their feet, can’t resist playing with balls of yarn).
Name: Flu You.
Cost: 10
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 week (or 3 days with bed rest).
Power Up: No.
Description: Magically inflicts a severe cold upon the target that takes an hour to manifest. Whilst infected the target has all adds halved and sneezes once every 1D6 turns. When they sneeze, all those within 5 feet must make a L1SR on CON or catch the same cold.
Name: Holey Hide.
Cost: 18
Range: 10 feet.
Duration: Instant.
Power Up: Yes, doubles the cost and doubles the dice rolled.
Description: The target is blasted by an invisible blunderbuss in the behind and suffers 1D6-1 damage, which can be reduced by armour.
Name: Summon Really Tiny Undead Things.
Cost: 2
Range: 10 feet per caster level.
Duration: 1 combat round per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, double cost and double duration.
Description: This spell summons up squashed bugs, small rodents and occasionally dead pond life as zombies that perform the bidding of the caster to the best of their ability. A creature summoned by this spell has a MR of 1 and when the spell ends melts into mushy goo that cannot have this spell cast upon it again.
Level 3 Spells (DEX 15, INT 15, 500gp each)
Name: Alche-mess
Cost: 14
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, doubles cost and doubles duration.
Description: Any gold touched by the target of this spell turns to lead, lead turns to stone and, stone turns to dust. Magical items lose all enchantments and, non-magical items rust. Food rots and water spoils. Generally the target of this spell should refrain from touching anything.
Name: And The Kitchen Sink Too.
Cost: 8
Range: 5 feet.
Duration: Permanent.
Power Up: No.
Description: Conjures a kitchen sink, complete with magically working taps (both hot and cold).
Name: Ass-id Burn.
Cost: 17
Range: 10 feet.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, doubles the cost and damage.
Description: Stinging acid clings to the behind of the target reducing the hits taken by any armour there by 1 a turn. If the target has no rear guard then the damage is dealt directly to CON.
Name: Beetlejuice!
Cost: 12
Range: 5 feet.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, double the cost and duration.
Description: Turns all liquids within range of the spell into creepy crawlies when cast. This can really annoy a bar full of people and,
particularly the landlord if the Elven hygiene people are about.
Name: Fake Fake
Cost: 12
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: Yes, doubles cost and doubles duration.
Description: Creates an illusion of an object that is an obvious fake of something of the casters choosing.
For example this spell could create an illusion of the Mona Lisa (well, the Trollworld equivalent) where the lady in the picture is actually a guy, poorly disguised as a woman.
Name: Feather Fail.
Cost: 15.
Range: 5 feet.
Duration: 1 turn.
Power Up: No.
Description: The target of the spell falls at twice the normal speed and suffers double the damage on impact. This spell can only be cast on a target that is falling.
Name: Goth Mode.
Cost: 13 (Unlucky for some)
Range: Touch
Duration: Permanent.
Power Up: No.
Description: All clothes worn by the caster become black. Just black. From head to toe black and, the casters face is painted white… With black eyeliner. Black lipstick. Loads more black. This spell is reversed by a change of clothes but why would you want to?
Name: Mixed Blessing.
Cost: 28
Range: Touch.
Duration: Permanent.
Power Up: No.
Description: The target removes 5 points from any stat and adds 1 point to any other. This spell may only be cast on willing participants.
Name: It’s Morphing Time!
Cost: 10
Range: Touch.
Duration: Permanent.
Power Up: Yes, double the cost for each additional target.
Description: Transforms the clothes you are wearing into a tight spandex suit (choice of black, blue, green, pink, red, yellow and, white) and, you also gain an ill designed dinosaur themed helmet. The spell is reversed if you change your clothes for any reason.
Name: Summon Lint Elemental
Cost: See text.
Range: 10 feet.
Duration: Instant.
Power Up: No.
Description: Summons up a creature made purely of belly button fluff and pocket lint. The creature has a MR equal to the cost of the spell. Lint elementals are destroyed instantly by fire or washing machines.
Name: Unfamiliar Familiar.
Cost: 15
Range: 5 feet.
Duration: Permanent.
Power Up: No.
Description: Summons a familiar of a species of that the PC has never met (GM’s choice but with a MR no greater than 10). The familiar will not speak any language the caster does but if the caster can find a means of communication the familiar will obey the commands of the caster to the best of its abilities.
Level 6 Spells (DEX 30, INT 30, 1500gp each)
Name: Grrr-zebo.
Cost: 20
Range: 20 feet.
Duration: 5 turns.
Power Up: Yes, double the cost and double the duration.
Description: Summons a gazebo from the depths of Hades. Anyone but the caster that sees the gazebo must make a L1SR on INT or attack the gazebo.
Level 7 Spells (DEX 37, INT 37, 1750gp each)
Name: Word Of Power, YOINK!
Cost: 30
Range: Sight.
Duration: Instant.
Power Up: No.
Description: Takes any item held or carried by anybody and places it in the casters hand.
Level 8 Spells (DEX 37, INT 37, 2000gp each)
Name: Summon Generic Shop.
Cost: 50
Range: 10 feet.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: No.
Description: Conjures a shop selling all the items in the rulebook at those prices plus 10% and buying at half the listed price in the book. This spell requires a 10 by 10 area at the very least to be cast without crushing the caster Wizard of Oz style.
Level 13 Spells (DEX 87, INT 87, 3250gp)
Name: God Mode.
Cost: See text.
Range: Touch.
Duration: 1 turn per caster level.
Power Up: No.
Description: Turns the caster into a god / goddess for a time. Whilst this spell is in effect the caster cannot be killed, harmed or, wounded in any way, shape or, form. Each PC can cast this spell only once in a lifetime and it drains all WIZ to do so. Whilst under the effects of this spell the PC must answer all prayers directed to them to the best of their ability.